Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
нагло упертый мной с http://hf.kru.to/
(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 14 May 94 22:41:28 Subj : for HUMOR.FILTERED (Was: Computer Sex) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- * Forwarded by Dmitry Bogush (2:5030/106.17) * Area : ASIAN_LINK (ASIAN_LINK) * From : Adrian Jenkin, 3:800/873.1701 (Monday April 11 1994 00:45) * To : All * Subj : Computer Sex ============================================================================= I am not sure about this one, but let's plough on reguardless... It's a little sexy you see... +-------------------------------------------------------------------------+ Computer Sex Tonight was ROM's big night. He had finally CONNECTED with SHARE. ROM thought that this would be the night the would forever be within his MEMORY. It only took ROM a few MILLISECONDS to arrive at SHARE's as he has taken the 14.4 MODEM. ROM walked up to SHARE's TOWER and looked through her WINDOWS. ROM gazed in awe at the OPEN ARCITECTURED, MULTI-LAYERED room. He then caught a glimps of SHARE quietly sitting there in a WAIT STATE. SHARE was a real knockout! Her 1024X768X256 measurments were just fantastic! ROM went to the FRONTDOOR and PAGED her. Nothing happened so he PAGED her a second time. Again there was no responce. ROM was now beginning to believe that his ACCESS had been DENIED, when the FRONTDOOR opened and there was SHARE. She stood before him BARE BONES. He admired her two 5 1/4 FLOPPIES and gazing downwards, he caught a glimps of her MOUSE. ROM felt real lucky now and thought to himself that tonight would be the night he would get into SHARE's CHIPS. SHARE allowed ROM ACCESS. As they both sat there, ROM began to fondle SHARE's CLUSTERS. At the same time, SHARE began to stroke ROM's HEAD and CYLINDER. The heat they created was almost overwhelming. Just as ROM's HARD DRIVE began to spin, SHARE told him that they would have to stop because her MOUSE, was on the MOUSE PAD. ROM was very disappointed and his RAM went FLOPPY. ROM's CPU was over heated, and he knew he must find release, and find it soon or he would certainly have a HEAD-CRASH. ROM made up an excuse so that he would be able to leave SHARE's without huring her feelings. After ROM had left SHARE's, he caught the 9600 BPS to the city of BINKLEY. He headed straight for the red LED district. He noticed a BATCH of CD's riding around in a CADDY, but because ROM was not BIMODEM, and he certainly was not about to be a GENDER CHANGER, he waved them off. He then came to another corner where there were all types of CPU's in every CONFIG.SYS imaginable. Seeing this, ROM began to get very ANSI, and knew he must have one of them in a real big hurry. Looking them all over, ROM noticed one that really caught his eye. She certainly didn't look as SCSI as some of the others did. She looked to have had a life that was probably a pretty HARD DRIVE, but somehow she managed to keep herself from going over the LEADING EDGE. ROM could tell by looking at her that she had probably met them all. Yes, ROM thought to himself, she has probably UNZIPPED more FLI's and put a GRASP on so many hugh 1 and 2 MEGABYTE CLUSTERS, that she could do it with her eyes closed. ROM bet that CSHOW all those guy just who was on the top of the HEAP, and she sure had the STACKS to prove it. ROM's mind was spinning, thinking of this beauty. Her form kept going over and over through his MEMORY, standing there in her MIDI skirt which revealed all of her long SHIELDED CABLES. Yes, from the RIBBON CABLE in her hair, to the soles of her custom made RS232's, she was definately in a class all by herself. Certainly not like a lot of the others who were painted up like silly CLONES. ROM went up and talked to her. She told him that her name was EISA, and asked him if he would like a goodtime with her. ROM nodded his HEAD yes, and followed her to her TOWER. As they walked, ROM asked EISA how she came about getting into this type of business. She told him that a few years ago, she was a MOTHER, BOARD with her CONFIGURATION and was seeking more than just a single NODE. She wanted a MULTI-NODE lifestyle. She knew that she no longer wanted to be READ ONLY and HIDDEN. She wanted to be a READ WRITE. Even while still ATTACHED to her husband, and he had told her of a swinging club, she could not bring herself around to get into DISK SWAPPING. EISA then proceeded to tell ROM about some of her past affairs which eneded up in disaster. She told him about how she had once tried to CONNECT with MAC, but they just were not COMPATIBLE. She told him about Max, but Max had a 32 MEGABYTE RAM which was just too much for her. She told him that MAXTOR her up pretty bad. The there was DOS, a young guy of V6.0. But he had BUGS so she DOUBLE SPACED herself away from him. Next there was the most useless one of all. With his mere 320X400X2 MONOCHOME proportions. He may have looked like HERCULES on the outside, but he had a mere 3 1/2" FLOPPY and absolutely no BUFFERS. He was nothing more than a UNIX. And to top that all off, he even spoke with a LISP. She told of her attachment to NORTON, a local DISK DOCTOR, but one night he tried to UNFRAGMENT her CLUSTERS, and she quickly fled away from him. And she did even attempt a BIMODEM encounter with LISA. But like MAC, she and LISA were just not COMPATIBLE. Although they would RETRY again and again, and they even would IGNORE the fact that they were not COMPATIBLE. But soon they both knew that they would have to ABORT their affair, but they still departed with a HANDSHAKE. After finally arriving at EISA's TOWER, they both stripped down to BARE BONES and proceeded to lie down on the FLAT BED SCANNER. Although EISA did measure up to SHARE, her 320X400X256 measurements were still pretty impressive, and ROM himself was nothing to sneeze at with his 8 MEGABYTE EXTENDED RAM. ROM looked around the room as they lay there and noticed the numerous pieces of erotic UART hanging on the walls. ROM could hardly WAIT to ENTER her EMPTY SLOT. She then took hold of ROM's JOYSTICK, and guided it towards her I/O PORT. ROM's MALE END slipped easily into EISA's FEMALE END. Once connected, ROM really tightened the screws, and she BEEPED with utter delight. ROM knew that he was READY TO SEND, and she was READY TO RECEIVE. EISA then SET her intentions to ROM's HEAD and CYLINDER. As she INPUT more of his HEAD and CYLINDER into her OPEN BAY, ROM could feel the size of his BUFFERS increasing. ROM knew if she didn't TERMINATE soon, that he would have absolutely no control over his DATA FLOW. After several more minutes of this FORTRAN, EISA told ROM that she wanted him to CONNECT with her. Taking percautions to avoid any VIRUS, ROM made certain that his CABLE was SHIELDED before he CONNECTED to EISA's I/O PORT. Once CONNECTED, it was XON and XOFF. Soon ROM could feel his DATA FLOW deep within EISA's BIOS. At almost the same instance, EISA's SEAGATE opened and she too let loose. Neither of them had any FLOW CONTROL. Soon both of them were totally spent. ROM became FLOPPY once again, and EISA's SYSTEM FILES were once again HIDDEN. It was now time for ROM to pay EISA for her wonderful services. He reached into his PACKET, UNZIPPED it, and quickly noticed that there was no CHIP in it. All he had was some CARDS. He asked EISA if she accepted CARDS for payment, and she told him that she did. So ROM pulled out one of the CARDS to pay EISA. And what do you think the CARD was that he used? Why a VESA CARD of course :) PROGRAM TERMINATED Later peoples and computers alike, Adrian ... No man is drunk as long as he can lie on the floor without holding on. -+- April V0.994PBeta + Origin: Voodoo Billabong - Elizabeth - South Australia (3:800/873.1701) ============================================================================= Hello Mikel! Your faithfully, D -+- GoldED 2.42.G1219 + Origin: Sphinx (812) 235-6941 (FidoNet 2:5030/106.17) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mikel --- GoldED 2.42.1219 * Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, инфоpмация по запpосу (2:5020/35.1)
