Архив конференции Fidonet HUMOR.FILTERED,
нагло упертый мной с http://hf.kru.to/
(координатор - Евгений Плисс), и переведенный в html :-)
- HUMOR.FILTERED ---------------------------------------------- HUMOR.FILTERED - From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 08 Mar 94 03:53:54 Subj : >> humor.filtered -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello All. I think, this message from area L.DZ seems to be interesting: --------------------------- Start Cut ------------------------- From : Oleg Danilow, 2:450/90 (04 Mar 94 16:27) To : Dmitry Zavalishin Subj : >> humor.filtered --------------------------------------------------------------- Date: February 28, 1994 7:34 am PT Item: 4010W8M From: COHLPDSB Steve Benda To: COHLPDGLENYS Glenys Chow COHLPDJLC Jeanette La Corte Subj: Protect Your Computers Now! Watch out for these new computer viruses : OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddendly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're getting. MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system just before the whole damn thing quits. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Their is sumthing rong wit yor komputer, ewe jsut cant figyour out watt! DAN QUAYLE VIRUS #2: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard. ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self-destructs; only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America. OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder. IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then substracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy. GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem. L.A.P.D. VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defense". POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism". FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything. SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks. KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy. TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file. PBS VIRUS: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money. NIKE VIRUS: Just does it. ^-^ GoldED 2.40+ --------------------------- Final Cut ------------------------- Dmitry --- * Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
